Overall, there is no detail, no character, no foreplay, no relationship.READERReport 2007-03-12 16:50:18It’s written like an excited child talks… Work on that, and fix it, then repost it after you do a bit of planningREADERReport 2007-03-12 04:45:26make it longer and it would of been ok. Redtube Overall, there is no detail, no character, no foreplay, no relationship.READERReport 2007-03-12 16:50:18It’s written like an excited child talks… That sentence summarizes all of the problems that this story has. That sentence summarizes all of the problems that this story has. That sentence summarizes all of the problems that this story has. 7 comments«12»READERReport 2007-03-13 19:03:32that was grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr8tREADERReport 2007-03-13 04:36:14while the other comments have some truth in them eg short, rambling, no foreplay etc.
