Interesting premise, but you need to proof read and edit spelling and grammar as it is barely legible. Re-write it, keeping the narrative arc in mind, and then proof read it (out loud) to edit out the errors. Porn You’re trying to develop the characters, build suspense and garner enough interest for a sequel but you fail. 3 comments«1»anonymous readerReport 2012-10-18 22:56:44I’m giggling at jiggling asses!YianoReport 2012-03-31 20:02:19I didn’t know asses could giggle… Don’t give up.«1» Don’t give up.«1» Interesting premise, but you need to proof read and edit spelling and grammar as it is barely legible. Interesting premise, but you need to proof read and edit spelling and grammar as it is barely legible. Use a dictionary and a thesaurus to avoid homonyms, repetition of words/phrases and spelling errors. You’re trying to develop the characters, build suspense and garner enough interest for a
